


Must Get Out

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, No Slash, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-01
Updated: 2005-07-01
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:11:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: A late night inspiration attack...





	Must Get Out

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

A.N. yea...I was reading fic and I got inspired…so enjoy…

* * *

Brian P.O.V.

I've been the needle and the thread  
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head

 

Its one in the morning when I hear him come into the bedroom. He shuffled up the stairs and began to get into bed when he changed his mind. All the while I feigned sleep. He’s been pacing around the loft since we had a fight and I stormed into the bedroom and announced I was going to sleep. He could do what ever the fuck he wanted. Soon after, I hear him start to pace the loft. He’s thinking about what he said. ‘Maybe I should just go. How bout that? I’ll just fucking leave.’ He always paces when he thinks. 

He moves towards my side of the bed and just watches. I don’t know if he knows that I’m not really asleep but I make my breathing as even as possible as to not alert him that I’m actually awake.

Then he moves towards the dresser.

Justin P.O.V.

I try to laugh but cry instead  
Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said

Maybe you should just go. You’ve done it before. Its not like he would miss you. And its not like he’ll ever say it. Why do you put yourself through this? I’ll tell you why… its because you love him. 

Those thoughts run through my head as I pace the loft. I know I love him…and I know he loves me. Or at least I think I do. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I walk up the stairs, deciding to forget the whole thing. But I cant. I climb off the bed and walk towards his side. He thinks that I think he’s sleeping. I watch him and tell myself to laugh at how he's trying to fool me as silent tears run down my face.

Do it. Don’t do it. Do it. 

I’m gonna do it.

 

Fumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking for  
Try to guide me in the right direction  
Making use of all this time

I walk to the dresser slowly opening the drawer that holds most of my things. Not most of my clothes things but just things. Old things. Things I haven’t touched in months. 

I go in and fumble quietly through all the stuff. Old sketchbooks. Almost empty art supplies. I’m looking for something but by the time I’m done looking I cant remember what it was anymore.

I close the drawer and look at Brian, still pretending to sleep. Or maybe he really is sleeping. I can’t really tell at the moment.

I sniffle wipe away a couple of tears as I open the closet doors.

Dammit Justin. Don’t cry now.

Brian P.O.V.

Keeping everything inside  
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

I listen as he goes through the drawers. I don’t know what he's looking for, but I can tell he's not finding it. I can also tell that he's crying because he does this thing when he sniffles and doesn't even know it because he makes no effort to hide it.

I can feel him watching me, trying to decide if I’m really sleeping or not. But I don’t open my eyes. 

I don’t open my to look at him or even squint at him. 

He sniffles again as he opens the closet door.

Justin P.O.V.

I'm lifting you up

‘Where the fuck did you go? How could you just leave me there?’

The argument played over and over in my head. I thought about it as I grabbed my bag out of the closet. I thought about getting into that cab at Babylon. Not knowing where the fuck he was. Seeing the ‘vette gone when I came out of the club. Wondering and worrying where he was. Taking a cab to The Baths, to Deb’s house, to Michael and Ben’s house, not finding him anywhere.

He had just…disappeared.

Brian P.O.V.

I'm letting you down

I knew that when I left Babylon without him that there would be hell later. I don’t know why but I had to leave. I just left and I drove. Not to anywhere specific...just to drive. He was on the dance floor waiting for me and I just had this feeling that I had to go. This urge to just leave. Maybe it had been building up since I met him. I don’t know. 

After I left I felt guilty for leaving him there. Not telling him I was going. But I finally realized why I left. I felt that for some reason I was letting him down. Because I couldn’t give him the one thing he needed. I couldn’t say that I loved him…

‘ Why the fuck do you need to know where I went. We’re not fucking married. I don’t need to tell you my every move.’

Justin P.O.V.

I'm dancing til dawn

‘You don’t need to tell me your every move. But it would be fucking nice if you would tell me when you fucking leave somewhere and leave me all alone!’

I think about standing on the dance floor. I remember how I was dancing with some guy, waiting for him to bring me my drink. I waited for a while so when he didn’t come and find me I went to look for him…

He wasn’t in the backroom. He wasn’t at the bar. I searched everywhere for him. I asked people. No one had seen him.

I shake the images out of my head as I quietly move towards the dresser again.

Brian P.O.V.

I'm fooling around

I listen as he creeps over towards the dresser again. I wonder if he's actually going to do it or if he's going to get to the door and turn around.

He sniffles again and opens a drawer.

I think he may actually do it.

I stopped at the baths on my way home. I walked through the sea of sweaty bodies, moaning and groaning with pleasure. I needed to do something to take my mind off him. Or better yet someone. I found an empty space and watched as they gravitated towards me. But when one of them kneeled and took me into his mouth, all I could think about was that it wasn’t Justin. And when one of them bent over, waiting for me to fuck him, I could only think that Justin looked better in the position than he did.

I walked out of the baths without having done a thing. I got into the ‘vette and drove away.

‘ You found your way home. You're fine. Let it fucking go.’

Justin P.O.V.

I'm not giving up  
I'm making your love  
This city's made us crazy and we must get out

‘ No I will not let it fucking go. How could you even say that? What would you do if I just left and didn’t tell you?’

Pants, shirts, socks, underwear. I put it in the bag as I went. Stopping only to wipe my eyes when they would tear up.

I don’t want to go. I don’t want to give up on him, but sometimes he gives me no choice. But I’ll never give up on him. I know that he’ll eventually come around. Maybe this is what we need.

When I got home and saw he wasn’t there I was pissed. No I was beyond pissed. Where the fuck did he go and who the fuck did he think he was just leaving without me? Motherfucker was all I could think as I waited for him to come home. I tried to sit down and watch TV but I was so mad that I couldn’t sit still. 

When I heard the door slide open it took al I had in me not to go over to him and punch him in the fucking face.

I zipped up the bag and set it at the top of the stairs.

Then I went over to his side of the bed.

Brian P.O.V.

This is not goodbye she said  
It is just time for me to rest my head

By the time he came over to my side of the bed and kneeled down, I had turned over and had my back facing him. I listened as he talked to me. I was usually a heavy sleeper so he probably assumed that I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“I just need some time for myself right now. I can’t be here. I’m gonna go to…I have no idea where I’m gonna go actually…but I’ll find somewhere.”

She does not walk she runs instead  
Down these jagged streets and into my bed

“All I really want to do is climb in bed with you and pretend like nothing happened. But I cant do that. I…just have to go…”

He sniffled a little bit and sighed.

But all I could think about was what I had said.

‘ I would find another fucking way home and then kick your ass for taking my car. Stop acting like a little drama princess. And if you wanna fucking go then go. The fuck if I care. Now I’m going to bed. You can do whatever the fuck you want to do.’

Justin P.O.V.  
There's only so much I can do for you  
After all of the things you put me through

I sat by his side of the bed. I didn’t know if he was sleeping but I said what I had to say. I couldn’t just leave. 

‘There’s only so much I can take,’ I said. ‘I can’t just sit here and take it anymore. I know you love me…but you wont say it. And fuck it. I don’t even need to hear you say it anymore. But the fact that you said that I could just leave and you wouldn’t care that I was gone just hurt so fucking much. I’ll be back. I don’t know when but I’ll be back.’

That was all I said before I got up and grabbed my bag. I looked around one more time before I opened the door and left.

Brian P.O.V.

I'm not giving up  
I'm making your love  
This city's made us crazy and we must get out

After I heard the door close. I opened my eyes.

He did it. He left.

I looked at the clock. 2:30 flashed in bright neon letters.

I felt a familiar sting behind my eyes and for once I didn’t try and stop the tears from coming. I felt them fall in hot streams down my cheeks and I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

I threw the duvet away from my body and traveled towards the door.

I had my hand on the handle but I took it away. I sat on the sofa and waited. I tried to decide if I should open the door and go after him or if I should just let him go. He was right. I couldn’t give him when he wanted and he knew it. So he left. I held my head in my hands and let the tears fall.

I finally go a hold of myself and went and watched the door…not wanting to open it but at the same time wanting to throw it open and try and find him.

I watched that door until the sun came up.

Justin P.O.V.

When I closed the door I just turned around and looked at it. I looked down at my jacket in my hand and felt the heavy bag on my shoulder. 

I tried to hear any sounds coming from the other side of the door but I couldn’t. I dropped the bag and just stood. 

I told myself to go. Don’t look back. Just leave.

I couldn’t do it.

 

I sat down on the floor outside the loft and watched the door…I watched until light flooded the stairs, coming from the door downstairs.

Brian P.O.V.

The sun was just coming up when I decided to walk to the door. I needed to find him. I couldn’t just let him leave like that. 

And I decided to tell him.

I was going to tell him that I loved him. That I couldn’t live without him. That he was my world.

No matter how cliché it sounded.

Justin P.O.V.

I couldn’t do it. I can’t go. I need to go back.

I stood up and grabbed my bag, reaching for my key.

I had my hand on the handle when the door opened.

Brian P.O.V.

I pulled the door open to find him already standing there.

Without any words, I took his bag and dropped it on the floor.

Justin P.O.V.

I looked at him for a minute. His eyes were red from crying and they had bags under them telling me that he hadn’t slept all night.

Without any words I wrapped me arms around his neck, feeling him return the embrace.

Brian P.O.V.

I wrapped my arms around him. Holding on for dear life, not wanting to let go. 

He looked up at me and was about to say something when I closed my lips over him.

We broke apart and I buried my face in his hair…

‘I love you’

Justin P.O.V.

He had told me that he loved me. The one thing that I had been waiting to hear all these years. Yet somehow it had felt like it was the millionth time he had said it. And I realized that even without the words, he tells me everyday.

‘I love you too’


End file.
